“The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you”

 

— BB King

 

 

Personal growth is one of my favorite subjects, because without it, we cease to exist.

Imagine being a child and never growing through each developmental phase, or into adulthood or maturity.  Skipping a phase or two may be a fantasy for some; however, it is not the reality we came here to experience. Just as a child needs to grow and evolve, to become the person he or she can be, so does the adult.

Personal growth does not limit itself to physical growth.  Personal growth also includes emotional growth, intellectual growth, and spiritual growth.  Personal growth does not limit itself to age.  It is continuing in us from birth to death. 

 

“Personal growth refers to self-development of an individual toward the actualization of his or her potentialities.

Personal growth transforms an individual from dependence to self-direction.”

 

— Answers.com

 

 

“Self-development” is the key phrase in the reference above. Perhaps the most important realization an individual can make in his or her quest for personal growth is that there is no single formula that defines what path will work for any individual. What is good for one person may not be what works for another.

 

We must adapt the seeker philosophy on our paths of personal growth.  We must do the research and put in the miles. It is not the destination that defines us.  It is the journey. It is what you find out about life and about yourself along the way, whatever that is, that creates the “YOU” you can become.  

 

“Your level of success will rarely exceed your level of personal development,

because success is something you “attract” by the person you “become.”

 

— Jim Rohn

 

Many of us have natural talents and abilities, but do not strive to improve them.  Like muscles in the body, if we do not use our talents and abilities, we will soon lose them.  If we are not growing, we are dying. Sounds absurd, but it’s true. Every famous successful person whose name we immediately and easily recognize had to master that which he or she became known for.

 
We can have talent but be afraid to use it and never reach our potential.  Or, we can continually strive to become our potential.  It is a choice we either make, or do not make.

 

Why invest in personal growth?

 

To expand your abilities and skills.  To develop new aptitudes and strengthen existing ones.  To increase your understanding and knowledge. Knowledge is potential.  Applied knowledge is action, and it is in the action that our power lies. Having the knowledge about how to open a can of soup is only half as valuable as opening the can.

 

When you do not have the answers that understanding and knowledge provide, walking life’s path can be harrowing.  By investing in personal growth, we gain life experience, which—like a map—can guide us to where we want to go.  And, we gain wisdom.   

 

Walking through life with knowledge, experience, and wisdom gives us confidence and self-worth. Self-worth gives us the faith and inspiration to create the life we want.  In creating the life, we want, rather than reacting to life, we gain mastery of the items we value and the way we value them.

 

Spiritual Growth

 

Spiritual growth has many definitions, depending on the source and belief system of the person.  

As I have stated before, all religions of the world agree that humans begin in the Spirit form and temporarily transform into physical form for this human existence only to return to Spirit form.  We are spirits having a human experience. Not humans having a Spiritual experience.

 

Think about that for a minute, or an hour.  We all start at the same place. We all have a spiritual source. We are all part of something much greater than we could ever be alone.  We are all connected. We are all spirit connected to the vastness of the Universe, the source of all beginnings and endings.

 
All the knowledge of what will be, and has ever been, is within us and our connection to it, just waiting to guide us.   But it is up to us to discover it.  It is up to us to get in touch with it.  We need to grow, to understand who and what we really are.  How our spirituality grows and develops—or does not—depends on us. That is where the human experience comes into play. 

 

I use meditation for the guidance I seek. Meditation can be difficult or tricky in the initial stage of our practice. One must be still and focus. I focus on my breath. As I breathe in, I am thinking in with the good.  As I breathe out, I am thinking out with the bad.  We all meditate in different ways, whether we know it or not. Your meditation might be in the form of silent, relaxed contemplation, to increase your awareness and come to decisions.

You might walk, to clear your mind and know what you want or how you want to do it. You might be still, to receive guidance or answers. You might do guided breath work, or visualization, or yoga.  You might take a nap or connect in your sleep.  You might stare out into nature and let go.  You might connect in a long shower or bath, or in some form of water.  Regardless of the method, you are tapping into that vast resource of knowledge within you for an answer that already exists.

 

Your life is not random or a mistake. You are here for your Spirit-intended purpose. Your job is to discover what that is. It is your job to turn over the rocks to find it, not wait for it to appear. Columbus was a seeker.  The Americas did not find Columbus.  Columbus discovered the Americas. Stop waiting. You already have the answer. You are just not looking in the right place, or in the right way.  The answer will only come from inside you.  Just listen and trust what comes to you. 

 

Download my course SEVEN DAYS TO DISCOVER YOU PASSION if you need help identifying what your Passion is and how to develop it.

 

 

Physical Growth

 

In multiple religions, belief systems, and historical teachings, scholars believe that the body is our temple.  If we look at ourselves and dislike what we see, why do we resist changing ourselves, bettering ourselves, enlivening ourselves?   When we deface, dishonor, or ignore our body temples, we do not realize that we are dishonoring ourselves, and stunting our physical growth and our self-worth.

The mind and body work as one.  If someone throws a valuable piece of art in the trash, it does not make it any less valuable.  However, it treats the art in an undeserved and dishonorable way and wastes its potential.

 

I smoked for fifteen years.  It disgusted me with the thought of falling into such an expensive and nasty habit. It made me, my clothing, my car, and my environment stink, and it made my lungs feel awful.  On the first of January, every year, I quit, but then I would start back up two days later, if that long.  It was not until the day I realized what it was doing to my son when I saw him wheezing because of secondhand smoke he was inhaling, that it awakened me out of my unconsciousness and inspired me into growing stronger.

 

In that awareness, I became a seeker, searching for a way that I could quit for good. It was hard—so hard. The voices in my head kept repeating You can’t do this; just start back up, and your suffering will all stop.” To this day, quitting the habit has been the hardest thing I have ever done.  But I have not smoked since. 

 

How did I do it?  In the same way I have asked you in previous posts, to get a pen and write your responses and thoughts.  I put in writing my reason to change.  Every time I wanted to start back up again, I thought of that reason.  I remembered the actual action of putting my pen to paper and writing my reason, and all the emotion and conviction I felt while I wrote it. 

 

The process of my writing my reason to change, and reading my reason out loud every day, carved a new neuro pathway in my mind, that helped me to remember that my reason to change was so much bigger and more valuable to me than my reason to cave and keep the nasty addiction, which was just a habit.  

 

Habits are easy to start and difficult to change. It takes three weeks of consistently to create a habit, good or bad. Sometimes we just need the right reason to propel us toward physical improvement, or any kind of growth.

 

Without a strong enough reason to change, you will always leave a way out. A way to quit. There is an old saying about success by Plato: “If you want to take the island, then burn the boats.” Only you can find the right reason for you. What is your reason? Every person reading this has one. Find it. And write it. Then burn the boats. Leave no way to go back, only forward.

 

 

Emotional Growth

 

Emotional development is defined as a child’s growing ability to develop and regulate a full range of emotions, from sadness or anger to happiness and compassion, and shift from one to another in an easy, conscious, and free manner, preparing the child to take on more responsibility for his or her internal state.

 

Emotional development also refers to the child’s ability to develop secure relationships, social interaction, empathy toward others, and resolution of conflicts, without feeling the need or desire for physical aggression. The continual development and strengthening of all these abilities are emotional growth.

 

Growing scientific evidence shows that a child’s experiences during the early years play a significant role in emotional development.  Studies have shown that the emotional climate at home and the emotional regulations displayed by parents and caretakers affect a child’s emotional development.  

 

Children who do not develop emotional health, freedom, and maturity are at risk of forming unhealthy attachments, experiencing peer group challenges, and suffering from mental illness. 

 

Unfortunately, many of us did not develop the proper tools we needed to develop healthy emotionally.  We formed our Habits and beliefs throughout childhood; we created the patterns of our lives, and we carried these patterns into adulthood without realizing it.  It is not until we experience setbacks and adversity and finally take a serious look at the person we see in the mirror each day

 

Part of our dysfunction in developing emotionally lies in the very widespread belief that a specified set of behaviors, circumstances, and realities are normal and healthy.  But there is a vast difference between normal and common.

 

Are these things we consider “normal,” normal because we have the personal experience of understanding that they are normal, did someone teach or tell you they are normal, or because they are so commonly seen around us we believe they are normal?  Are they common in another state?  Another part of the world?  Another race?  Another culture?  Another time periods.  Why, or why not?  Never stop asking why.

 

Never stop being curious.  Never stop paying attention to the emotional and sensory signals within you.  Imagine you are walking on a trail in the middle of nowhere with no one around, and the trail you are on leads to a dangerous cliff that would kill you if you walked off it. Would you continue in the same direction on that trail because someone told you to, or would you listen to your inner guidance and change directions?

 

Are you choosing where you are going and why you are going there?  Or, are you following?  Are you listening to your inner knowing, guidance, emotional cues, and senses?  This is the strengthening of your emotional muscles.   If you ignore these innate abilities, you suppress your emotional growth, weaken your abilities to experience compassion, joy, and peace, and become disillusioned and hurt, or hurt others.  Never stop following your highest emotion. 

 

Intellectual Growth

 

Intellectual growth refers to: “personal or communal intellectual development.
We can derive this from the spreading of new ideas, such as during the Enlightenment, or through personal educational pursuits, like higher education” (Answers.com).  

 

Intellectual development is the development of independent thought and reason, in relation to the world around you. 

 

To attain Intellectual health, growth, and well being, you must first start by expanding your knowledge.  When we learn or practice a new skill, read a thought-provoking book, get involved in the community, attend lectures, art exhibits, or musical or theater performances, or learn a new language, we are growing our intellectual health. 

 

In addition, we are strengthening our critical thinking and analysis abilities. Think of a child who wants to understand everything because it does not know the why or how. It is when the child asks us “Why?” that we need to understand the full answer we are about to give. If we honestly want to give the child the best, most truthful answer, so he or she can use that information to make good decisions, we must give the very highest information we can get. And to do that, we must research, including searching within ourselves.

 

We should look at Intellectual growth in the same way.  Are the decisions we make based on the absolute best information that we can find and that is available? Or are we using outdated or incorrect data that we provided ourselves with, or others told us?

 

Is the information we used based on our own knowledge, or based on that of people who teach us to follow, believe, and respect? And does the information align with whom we are as individuals, or are we just following an outdated and incorrect pattern taught to us somewhere, sometime and never checked to see if it is valid? 

 

The intellect is a powerful muscle that can atrophy if not stimulated and strengthened continually throughout our lives.

 

 

 

Write your responses to the following questions: 

 

Do you strive to improve yourself physically?  

 

Do you strive to improve yourself emotionally?

 

Do you strive to improve yourself spiritually?

 

Do you strive to improve yourself intellectually?

 

Are you open to new ideas? 

 

Do you try to learn new skills?

 

Do you appreciate stimulating mental activities?

 

Do you use creativity to solve problems?

 

Do you consider opposing ideas and opinions?

 

Do you strive to understand yourself and your emotions?

 

If you answered no to any of the questions above, it is time to open yourself to your higher potential.

 

What areas of yourself and your life would you like to see growth in most?  

 

What or who, is holding you back from growing?

 

Life can be scary sometimes, but the more you grow, the more you will know. The more you know, the more change you can help to create, for yourself, and for those around you. 

 

 

 

Growth cancels out fear. 

—Joseph Binning

 

Think of growth as an investment in YOU, your future, what you will give to the world, and everything and everyone that has anything to do with you. To have more than you have got, you must become more than you are now.  You must grow into the new skin of your potential.

 

By investing the time and energy in yourself, your reward will be exponentially greater than your initial investment.  And then, one day, you will discover that the student has become the teacher. 

 

It is in the struggle and the battle that heroes are born.

—Joseph Binning

 

Only through lifelong growth and the desire to expand can change happen. Get your boots on and get in the trenches.  Then watch yourself rise.

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MEDIOCRITY✵Not the Life You’re Here to Live

I was like, ‘If I don’t change my mind,

if I don’t change my heart,

if I don’t develop some skill,

 I’m always going to be sleeping in my car.’

— Tony Robbins

Mediocre is: “of only ordinary or moderate quality; neither good nor bad; barely adequate; not satisfactory; poor; inferior.”

Many have chosen a life of mediocrity.  They have settled and lowered their standards, to accept what is barely adequate. Most don’t know why or how, and they don’t always know ahead of time that they are about to do it.  They probably don’t realize that they do it, or that they have a history of doing it.  You may even be thinking that I don’t know what I’m talking about.  Take a deep breath, open your heart and mind for a few minutes, and hear me out.

 

When you began this life of yours, you didn’t intend to have any relationship, job, health, body, creativity, adventures, or life experiences that were less than fulfilling, or just ordinary. Yet here you are, less than fulfilled with life, perhaps slightly jaded, tired or sick, in pain, or maybe worse.

 

Have you consciously, or unconsciously, chosen that which appears safe, low- or risk-free, or that which pleases others, over what is right, uplifting, exciting, and pleasing to you?  How often have you taken the safe road, or the leftover choice, or the smaller pile, or the lesser value, even though you didn’t like it or want it?  Why?

 

Less than ten percent of college graduates work in the field of their degree. Most spend most of their adult years working at a job they can’t stand, for people they don’t respect, with people who bring them down, in an environment that makes them depressed, stressed, in pain, or sick.  Why do you think that is?

 

Less than ten percent of Americans own and operate a small business.  Are you one of the ten percent?  Or, are you one of the ninety percent?  Why is that?  Do you think the ten percent are smarter than you, more capable than you, more creative than you, more skilled or gifted than you, better than you, more deserving than you? If you think yes to any of these, you’re under the influence of a false belief.  If you think that those ten percent want their work life to be better than ordinary and are willing to take risks, if necessary, to have that, you are absolutely right.  If you think they are not afraid, you are mistaken.  They just don’t let fear get in the way of their focus and vision.  They do not settle for mediocrity.

 

Yes, they are risk takers, but so are the ninety percent who haven’t taken the risk and followed their passion to create their own businesses.  Think about it.  What risks do we take when we don’t step out and try something new, scary, or difficult?  What risks do we take when we don’t reach for something that we want, create something that excites us, try something that enlivens us, go for something that inspires us, or learn something that challenges us?  What happens when we settle?

 

This is what happens:  we disappoint ourselves; we lose faith in our abilities; we lose happiness; we affect others around us; we weaken ourselves; we co-depend on others; we stay in discomfort, depression, or suffering; we shrink ourselves; we settle for less; we get sick; we lose our energy; we give up on ourselves; we let others down; we lose our selves; we fall into mediocrity, or worse.  A much heavier load awaits those who don’t risk taking a chance on themselves.

 

Why do we settle for a mediocre life, relationship, job, health, experiences?  Why do we measure ourselves by the standards and opinions of others?  Why do we suppress our desires and shrink our dreams?  Why do we care more about the opinions, words, ideas, needs, and desires of others than we do our own?  Why are we afraid?  What is the ultimate reason we are living a mediocre life? 

 

We do that because we believe we are not good enough.  We do that because we don’t want to have more or better than others who have not.  Why?  Because others convince us that we should settle.  Because we were taught that we’re nobody special, and we can’t have what we want, and no one’s life is perfect anyway, and we will have to settle, because life is hard, and that only the strong, lucky, smart, active, educated, supported people can start that business, audition for that role, try out for that competition, paint that masterpieces, have that relationship, look that way, live that way.

 

From birth, those in our familial, communal, religious, educational, societal, political, and/or cultural environments have—mostly unintentionally—conditioned us to:

 

• forget who we are, forget what we’re capable of, and why we’re here
• believe that we’re here to please and serve everyone over ourselves
• care about and follow what others do, say, and think, over what we want, think, and know
• believe that we are not capable or deserving of creating the life we desire if others don’t
• believe that we need to be approved of and included in some existing group, rather than freely following our independent compasses
• forget that we are born free.

 

Of all of life’s creatures, we are the only species that gets up or keeps going when we’re tired, force ourselves to sleep when we’re not tired, to go to a job that we don’t want, and live a life of self-inflicted suffering.   We do that rather than take the risks in the areas that give us the most vitality, joy, and self-empowerment.  And, inside, we feel the guilt and the burden of giving up on ourselves, so we push ourselves in other ways, convincing ourselves that we must, all the while, settling deeper into mediocrity.

 

 

Pause to Write.  

 

Write your thoughts on the following.  If a response doesn’t come easily, pass it and go to the next.  Come back later if you have a new awareness on any that you skipped.

 

If you didn’t have to go to the job you have now, would you?  

 

Are you doing what you’ve had to do?  Or, are you doing what you Love to do?

 

If you had a choice (and you do), would you do things differently?

 

If you stopped looking backward, and if you stopped regret, what would you change?

 

What’s holding you back?

 

Are you afraid of what others might think?

 

Whose life are you living?  If not yours, why?

 

Are you still wishing, reaching, hoping?

 

If not, what stopped you?

 

When did you first learn to settle for mediocre?

 

Where have you cared more about the opinions, words, and ideas of others than your own?

 

Where have you given yourself away, suppressed your vitality, or shrunk yourself?

 

Who did you learn that from?

 

When did you stop being excited and riding the momentum of your ideas, desires, wishes, and dreams?

 

What desires have you suppressed?

 

What dreams have you downsized or buried?

 

 

A dream is something you eat, sleep, live, and breathe. You think about it and refine it so that you can’t see any separation between you and the dream.  You are intertwined. Nothing will stop you from getting it. It’s that important to you.  When I ask people if they have a dream, almost all of them say yes. So why don’t they act on it? Why don’t they start that business venture? Why don’t they go back to school?  Change careers?  Sell their house?  Move to that country? Build that widget? Travel the world?  Buy a sailboat?  Learn to play music?

 

You can tell the size of a person’s dream by how much it takes to put it aside.  Think about that. You have a wish to lose those fifteen pounds.  You know you should.  You really, really want to.  Yet, you put it aside for the immediate gratification of the ice cream, beer, pasta, piece of chocolate, or cheeseburger. Why?  

 

Because it is just a wish in your mind.  Because you somehow learned that dreams don’t come true.  You’ve tried before and didn’t make it.  You don’t want to be disappointed.  You don’t believe in yourself.  Or, you want to believe in yourself, but you might make someone else feel bad who isn’t pursuing their dream.  Or, someone has told you that your dream is too big.  So, you put it aside.  You don’t allow yourself to imagine anymore, or as big as before.  You stop visioning, in vivid color, what you will look like, feel like, be like, or be able to experience by reaching for and realizing your dream.  You forget the feel of the power of the dreaming.  You no longer allow your passion to electrify you.

 

 

Pause to write.

 

You may not remember but allow yourself to think back. Before the world told you that you couldn’t do it, you had a dream. You felt good.  You were excited.  You were energized.  You couldn’t wait to start another day.  You wanted to do something. You wanted to expand and explore. You wanted to create something. You wanted to go somewhere. Can you remember what you wanted?

 

Knowing that you can make a different choice, what do you want to do differently?

Where do you want to live?

What do you want to do?

What kind of work do you really want to do?

What do you dream of?

Whose destiny are you creating?

When will it be time to start consciously creating your own destiny?  Your own happiness?

 

 

I attended a seminar lead by one of the top Transformational Life Coaches in the United States, Lisa Nichols.  In sharing her inspiring story, she impressed upon us the importance of:

 

• Not living an average life
• Realizing that life is not promised
• Knowing that we cannot wait for the right time
• Being uncomfortable with mediocrity

 

She asked us, “What if extraordinary was your birthright? How would you act?

 

So, I ask you, what if everyone has been wrong?  What if all the teachers and officials and parents and religious leaders taught us the wrong information?  What if they didn’t know, because they were just following the same recipe that had been handed down for generations, afraid to challenge it or change it, or attempt a bigger recipe?  What if we really are extraordinary?  What if having an extraordinary life is our birthright?

 

Let me tell you once more:  You were not born just so-so.  You were never barely adequate. You were not born so that you could live a mediocre life.  You were born special and capable. You are powerful and valuable. You are born worthy of living a brilliant and beautiful life.  You are one of the four great powers. You are GREAT!

 

To shift from believing that you must settle for mediocrity, to knowing that you are extraordinary, you must know that you are your own rescue. You are your own remedy.  Not your government, not your justice system, not your educational institution, not your parents, not your children, not your friends, not your partner, not your job, not your possessions.  

 

YOU.  ONLY YOU.

 

[Source] is the mother of the Universe. For lack of a better name, I call it the Tao.

The Tao is great. The Universe is great. Earth is great. Man is great.

These are the four great powers.

— Tao de Chang

It was spring. The sun was shining and the birds were singing as I was walking to work looking forward to another great day at the new job I had worked so hard to land. It was a
great place to work, good people, fun work, fantastic environment, the clients and boss loved me. Little did I realize how much my life would change in such a short time when I encountered “The Hole”. The Hole simply stated is the experience we encounter if we don’t pay attention to the signs we see every day and ignore. Allow me to explain my experience.
Day one: I was walking to work that day and had a great deal on my mind. I had an argument with a co-worker, my girlfriend was unhappy with my “obsession” with work, my friends complained I never came around anymore, and my parents never heard from me. As I was walking and rationalizing these things out loud I suddenly fell into a very large hole. It came out of nowhere. I never saw it coming. It was deep, dark, scary, and I couldn’t get out. I was afraid. I could not get out alone. My day now became worse. I rationalized that this wasn’t my fault. Why weren’t their signs posted that a hole was here? Why wasn’t someone here to help me? I did not deserve this. This was the first stage of my experience.
Day two: I walked down the same street. The birds did not sing and the clouds covered the brightness and warmth of the sun. I was not happy. I saw the hole. It was enormous! I saw a great many signs that said “DANGER”. As I fell into the hole again I remember thinking “why am I doing this, its dark, its cold, and I’m afraid.” It seemed like forever before anyone noticed I was there. I could not get out alone, again. This was the second stage of my experience.
Day three: I was walking down the same street. It was slightly warmer than the day before. As I approached the hole I took notice of the jagged edges I could have really hurt myself on the days before. It was the largest hole ever in existence in all of mankind. I looked around and found something to make a larger warning sign with. I didn’t want anyone who came behind me to fall for fear of hurting themselves. I made it large, very large so everyone could see. I remember feeling that I had done such a wonderful thing as I walked around the hole. It felt so good to know someone wouldn’t have to go through what I went through. I cringed when I heard someone scream as they fell into the hole behind me. This was the third stage of my experience.
Day four: The sun was shining and the birds were singing as I walked down a different street. This was the final stage of my experience.

Now when I walk to work (or anywhere for that matter) I pay close attention to all the wonderful things I had missed and taken for granted and didn’t take the time to notice the days before. I enjoy my walks more now. I seem to walk a lot these days. I hear a lot of people behind me falling into the hole. I guess they didn’t see the signs either