Christmas is not a season; It fills us with excitement. It can easily remind us of the joy we experienced our first memorable Christmas as a child. It fills our hearts with joy. It brings out the giving side of us. Its Christmas In Our Hearts That Puts Christmas In the Air.
life
The Lion and the Gazelle
The Lion and the Gazelle
“Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or they will kill it.
Every morning, a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
It doesn’t matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle: when the sun comes up, you’d better be running.”
This African proverb is a metaphor for how we should live our lives.
When we focus on what we can do instead of what we can’t, a world of possibility opens unto us.
–unknown
Every day you make mistakes.
You say the wrong thing at the wrong time and make the wrong impression on someone.
You are having a bad day and take it out on someone who doesn’t deserve it.
You cut someone off on the freeway and ignore the fact that you did.
Maybe you lied or stretched the truth or conveniently left something out of the conversation.
Maybe you were rude to someone and didn’t apologize.
As humans, we are fallible because, well, who wants to be perfect, right? We go through life trying to figure this thing we call life out. The problem with life is they put us in charge of it. We are our own boss. We decide what we will or will not do or tolerate. Or what we choose to overlook.
Most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, are not honest with ourselves. Honest with ourselves. It’s actually not our nature. We cut someone off and say “my bad” yet we blast our horns, shout profanities, and blast our horn when someone else does the same to us.
Every day, we have a meeting with the most important person we have in our lives. This person we can’t lie to because they know when we do. We can’t fool them because they know the truth. We can’t pretend we didn’t do something because they saw us do it. Because we see that person every morning in the mirror, it is impossible to fool them.
Every evening we take an inventory of the day with them before we slip off to sleep. We relive the events of the day with them, and they remind us of what was good and what was bad. Or we used to.
As we get older, though, we skip out on the evening meeting. We stop taking inventory of our actions. As humans, we take inventory on the actions of external sources. What others did or did to us rather on what really matters, how we reacted to life.
It’s my opinion that we actually have no control over life. Anything we do has no direct effect on the outcome. We can take actions that have a strong possibility of influencing the results, but there are no guarantees.
Life is in charge of us, not the opposite. Now we can take responsibility for our lives and do what we must in order to help influence its outcome positively. Notice I didn’t say what we “can”?
The parable teaches us that every day we must do our best in order to help influence a positive outcome. But we also must realize that all it takes is a simple slip, and all is in vain. You either eat, or you are eaten. The choice is up to you.
So here is the challenge.
- Every day you strive to a little better than your worst moment from the day before. Small strides. Little steps. To be a better human.
- Every day, hold yourself as accountable as you do others. Remember, we are not perfect; we are human. Warts, flaws and all. Just like the other person.
- Take a breath first. Before you act, do, or say, take a breath first and think about it and ask yourself how you would want someone to react if the situation was reversed.
- Give people, and yourself, a break. I’ll make a deal with you. The first day you walk on water, you can expect everyone else to. Until then, give them, and yourself, a break.
Success is liking yourself. Liking what you do and liking how you do it.
–Maya Angelou
You can see the video version of this post here: You Tube: The Lion and the Gazelle
Tic Toc: The Lion and the Gazelle
You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW
And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW
If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.
You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so, which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so
For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report
Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.
Suicide Prevention Handbook
Suicide Prevention Handbook
Approximately 800,000 people die by suicide every year, one person dies every 40 seconds. The World Health Organization’s (WHO) first report on suicide prevention, Preventing Suicide: A Global Imperative, states that suicide is a global phenomenon occurring in all regions of the world. Suicide was the second leading cause of death among the 15-29 age group globally in 2016. But, behind these alarming numbers, remember that suicide is preventable! This article will hopefully help you and the family and friends around you recognize the signs of suicide and the methods that can help.
Image Source: Sandaki.com
What you need to know about suicide
- Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide every year.
- The number of attempted suicides is many times greater than the number of deaths by suicide each year.
- Every year more men than women die by suicide. In wealthy countries, men die by suicide three times as often as women, and men aged 50 and older are more vulnerable.
- In low- and middle-income countries, suicide rates are higher among young adults and older women than among their counterparts in high-income countries, and women over age 70 are more than twice as likely to die by suicide as women aged 15-29.
- In 2016, low- and middle-income countries accounted for over 79% of global suicides.
- The most common means of suicide globally are drinking pesticides, hanging, and using firearms.
Misunderstandings about suicide
1. If I ask someone around me if they have any suicidal thoughts, will it trigger them to commit suicide?
This is a very important issue and one of the biggest misconceptions the public has about suicide prevention. If you don’t have time to read this article all the way through, just remember one thing: no research proves that discussing suicide will trigger suicide. Asking the person if they have suicidal thoughts and discussing them further is one of the best things you can do to prevent suicide.
2. Some people say that suicide is just lip service and that they will not actually commit suicide.
Most people who commit suicide have hinted to a friend or loved one that they are going to kill themselves before they do so. So don’t take any sign of suicide lightly. Whether it sounds like a joke or a casual remark, it’s a sign to ask for help.
3. Suicide is a sign of cowardice and selfishness, lack of respect for life, and lack of consideration for family members.
Such an idea is a misconception about suicide at a societal level. Different people have different reasons for committing suicide, but in most cases, they can no longer bear the pain of life and believe that suicide is the only way to stop hurting at the moment.
The process of suicide torments even the most desperate and depressed people, whether to choose life or death? Sometimes it’s a matter of thought, and this tangled process provides the window for intervention. Who has not experienced a certain stage of darkness and helplessness in their lives?
4. People who want to commit suicide cannot be stopped?
An article, Why must we stop people who want to commit suicide, trended on social media. Written by a netizen who once tried to commit suicide and fortunately was prevented by his brother, who came home early.
She is 5’7” tall, has been practicing tennis for ten years, is a national-level athlete, and has a privileged and smooth life. Unfortunately, a car accident killed her boyfriend and left her with a lifelong disability in her left arm (she is left-handed), so she had to practice again to dress and eat. She was so despondent that she thought of suicide.
“The moment I drank the pesticide, I regretted it, and luckily, my brother, who had originally planned to take the train, flew home early.”
“When you want to kill yourself, no matter what way you use, at the moment you put it into action, you will regret it. It’s at that moment you understand we can solve any problem, but by then it is too late.” She uses her personal experience to tell people they must stop suicide because the moment they commit suicide, they will all regret it.
How to identify suicide signals
As we mentioned in this article, in most cases, a person who plans to commit suicide will release suicide signals before committing suicide. Then, how to recognize these suicide signals also becomes the most important step in suicide prevention.
We have summarized the following ten signs of suicide from the American Psychological Association and the Help Guide organization.
- Verbal or written expressions of intent to commit suicide. For example, I wish I had never been born; I don’t want to live; I want to disappear; I want to jump from some high place, etc.
- Collect or think about suicide tools, such as guns, pills, knives, etc.
- A sudden personality change: for example, a calm personality suddenly becomes tyrannical, a lively one suddenly becomes silent, etc.
- Stay away from family and friends and close themselves off.
- Start writing their last wishes, give away their precious things, and make other arrangements for their family.
- Increased self-injurious behavior. Although self-harm is not the same as suicide, increased self-harm behaviors, such as car racing, excessive alcohol consumption, and reckless and impulsive behavior without regard to risk, are sometimes signs of suicide.
- Suddenly becoming unusually calm. A sudden calm after a long period of depression is sometimes a final decision to commit suicide after already struggling.
- Changes in diet and sleep.
- A sense of helplessness and lack of hope for the future are one of the biggest signs of suicide.
- Increased loneliness on important holidays or anniversaries (death anniversary of a loved one, etc.). For example, in the United States, major holidays such as Thanksgiving and Christmas increase loneliness, which may trigger suicide.
How to communicate with suicidal people?
Ideally, it is most effective and reliable to seek professional help if you are suicidal. Some studies show that 70% of suicides occur at home. What is the first step we can take as friends or family members?
A reader who has experienced suicidal tendencies with a close friend or family member may have wondered: What if my judgment is wrong? Maybe I’m overthinking it and he or she may not be trying to kill himself or herself? What if he or she is angry with me if I ask? These are, of course, all very natural tangles and worries.
However, the most important rule of suicide intervention is the sooner, the better! You need to keep in mind that your concern and questioning will not lead to suicide, but is a valuable opportunity for you to show your concern and help the person. We suggest you might begin your inquiry by asking the following questions:
“I’ve been concerned about you lately. Are you okay?”
“You seem to have changed a bit lately, and I wanted to ask you how you are doing?”
“You don’t look much like yourself. Can we talk?”
Next, you can ask further questions like this:
“When did you first notice these changes in yourself?”
“Can you let me help you? Tell me, what do you need my help with?”
Some language has proven to be comforting to suicidal friends, for example:
“I’ll be there when you need me. You’re not alone!”
“I may not fully understand what you’re going through. But I care about you, and I want to help you!”
We recommend you listen more and remember that even if you have experienced no training in counseling, your concern for a person is the most helpful thing you can do. We do not recommend doing the following things:
- Arguing with a suicidal person.
- Not to act too surprised. Such an attitude may prevent the person from sharing further.
- Not rushing to help with specific problems.
We can prevent suicide. Scientific knowledge and the right attitude are important forces in preventing suicide.
Author’s Bio: My name is Carl Lee, and I have a Master’s degree in Psychology. I have been working in the mental health field since I graduated. Our company website, www.sandaki.com, is also a platform for people to share their stories about depression and anxiety.
This article was published with the permission and cooperation of JosephBinning.com.
Carl Lee is a guest contributor to JosephBining.com.
Because we strongly believe that all life matters and is important we thought it appropriate to share this important message.
In The End. That’s All There Is
In The End. That’s All There Is
The business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is.
For years, I used to believe that the meaning of life was the accumulation of things. Trophies, if you will. We have all been guilty of it from time to time. I can remember being broke, not making much money, living in a one-room apartment, and being really skinny.
I remember one day stumbling upon a lemon tree and made that my dinner for the evening. If you are ever having trouble going to the bathroom, eat a handful of lemons. It ain’t pretty what happens the next day.
I can also remember getting a new really cool shirt. Man, I was really proud of it. It cost me more than I could afford, but boy howdy did I feel good when I was wearing it. Until the next day. That’s when I found the lemons.
I believed at the time that I needed to prove, or at least look, to people that I was successful. So, when they walked by, they thought or said “wow, look at him.” The problem was they didn’t, and I wasn’t. I just had a really cool shirt.
The saying “the clothes do not make the man” is very true and most are familiar with that quote, but the full quote is:
Clothes and manners do not make the man; but when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.
Arthur Ashe[1]
The key to this quote is the word when he is made, and appearance. Notice it says nothing about the actual man himself. I really like this quote because even though it says “man”, it can translate to either male or female.
It’s my opinion that the external niceties in life are nice, but what you are is not what you have on the outside. What you are is based on who you are on the inside. Things cannot make you better than someone or superior to anyone, no matter what they are. You just have nicer stuff. Stuff that will fade, tear, break, or be lost.
The truth of the matter is we all came from the same place. We are ALL equal. While it is true that some were fortunate to be born into wealth, most humans are not. For the most part, all of us are given equal opportunity to achieve that which we were meant to achieve. It’s what we do or don’t do with the opportunity that determines the outcome.
Some of you just choose not to listen to that inner voice that says do better. You accept whatever life gives you and believe that is all you deserve. Some of you chose to listen to that inner voice and refused to accept that there was not more to life, as did I.
The way we choose to do better is what determines our outcome in life. Notice the word choose.
Let’s be honest, no one forces us to do or not do what we do. No one puts a gun to our heads and says you don’t have to work hard to achieve what you desire, you deserve it. Usually, it’s the fool who says we deserve a good life. We don’t. We do not deserve anything in life.
Life does not promise us prosperity, a good life, an education, a house on the beach, and tons of money in the bank. What it promised us is opportunity. That’s where I was wrong during the lemon days. I couldn’t afford the shirt, but I felt I deserved it, so I bought it for the wrong reason.
It’s in our daily decisions we create our lives. It’s in those moments when we know we shouldn’t do something, but we do it anyway and blame everyone or everything except ourselves when we eat lemons for dinner. Wearing our nice shirts.
Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
George Bernard Shaw[2]
What I had to learn is that all I needed was an opportunity. Life gave me the world’s greatest computer that allows me to figure out anything if only I apply myself. That computer is my brain.
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.
Leo Tolstoy[3]
I needed to change my way of thinking, and not focus on the exterior man, but the interior man in the mirror. I had to change the way I looked at things in order to change the way I see things.
Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality.
Nikos Kazantzakis[4]
Now I am not saying for a minute that I have all the answers. What I am saying is I found the right answers for myself. I found what worked for me. Just as you need to find what works for you.
Now some unknowing troll called me privileged and claimed that I have no sympathy or understanding of the struggles of everyday people because of my current blessings. I can only laugh. People can be funny that way. People are not supposed to judge, but they do.
The truth is:
I’ve been abandoned as a child. Twice.
I’ve been homeless.
I’ve been broke.
I have been both broke and homeless. Not homeless as in sleeping on someone’s couch. I mean homeless as in sleeping in a bamboo field in a makeshift tent I made from a trap. All the while working as a dishwasher in order to get out of the field. Which I did.
But I was never broken. Discouraged, yes. Broken, no.
You will never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of your success is found in your daily life.
John Maxwell[5]
The lesson I have learned the most out of this adventure I have been on is this: if I wanted things to change, I needed to change. I stopped thinking that what I have is who I am. It’s only what I possess. The destination does not make the person, it’s what happens during the journey that creates the person.
It’s who you become during the process, as a result of the process, that determines who you become.
It’s what you learn along the way that counts.
Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world. For, indeed, that’s all who ever have.
Margaret Mead[6]
In the end, when it is our time to leave this world as we know it, all we take with us is our memories, not our possessions. Because, after all, the business of life is about creating memories. Because in the end, that’s all there is.
I’ve written another article that you might like. You can read it here:
IN THE END ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU DO
If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.
You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so
For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report
Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.
Joseph Binning
[1] Brainy Quote/Arthur Ashe Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/arthur_ashe_119072
[2] Philosiblog/the character of a man/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://philosiblog.com/2013/11/14/progress-is-impossible-without-change-and-those-who-cannot-change-their-minds-cannot-change-anything/
[3] Brainy Quotes/Leo Tolstoy Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/leo_tolstoy_105644
[4] Brainy Quotes/Nikos Kazantzakis Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/nikos_kazantzakis_176142
[5] Optimize.me/Quotes John Maxwell/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.optimize.me/quotes/john-c-maxwell/you-will-never-change-your-life-until-you-change-something-3
[6] Brainy Quotes/Margret Mead Quotes/accessed 09/10/2021/ https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/margaret_mead_101283
What Does A Good Leader Look Like in a Relationship?
As a man you were born a leader by nature. You are a hunter and gather by birth. You cannot change that, nor can you escape that. A mighty warrior called to leave a mark on the world by leaving the best piece of you behind and sacrifice everything to accomplish that mission. You have been tasked to fend off all things that will bring harm or ill will to you and yours. At all costs. But your greatest enemy is you.
There is an old Indian tale of a Grandfather sitting around the fire with his Grandson telling him of the two wolves that live within every man and are constantly at war with each other.
One wolf is a dark soul, vicious, evil, wicked, hateful, spiteful, full of ego and envy, who wreaks havoc and destruction to everyone and everything he encounters. He is selfish and mean to others. He only cares for himself. He lives to hurt you. He has no feelings.
The other is a wolf of the light. He is kind, but he is not weak. Strong, yet gentle. Mighty, but humble. We respect him because he is respectable. He listens first, and he judges not. He strives to be the best for him, for you. He leads by example and forgives easily.
The Grandson asks the Grandfather “Grandfather, which wolf wins the war?”. To which the Grandfather replies” whichever one you feed the most”.
As men, it’s during our upbringing that we develop, or don’t, the skills and confidence to lead. Knowing what to do is easy, you just ask someone who is a successful leader in your inner circle. Finding information is easy. It is finding the will to change your life that’s difficult.
Asking for help is one of the most difficult things any man can do. That’s why we don’t ask for directions and drive around for hours or go to the store across town and come home with the wrong item. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem dumb or incapable.
I once had a coworker who I assigned a task to. In my mind, it was a relatively simple task. I explained it to him in detail, asked him if he understood what it was, I wanted to which he said, yes. I left him with the task and went onto my merry way. Not five minutes later I could hear him cussing across the room, so I went to see what was happening. He informed me he didn’t understand what I had said but did not ask for clarification. When I asked him why he didn’t ask for clarification he replied, “Because I didn’t want to look stupid”.
That how we are as men. When we don’t understand something and don’t ask for clarification, we usually wind up looking stupid. How often has your wife said something that you didn’t understand and didn’t ask for clarification on that you wound up looking stupid over? My guess is more than once.
A very dear friend of mine gave me some much-headed advice. He said, “in any relationship someone will misunderstand you, or you will misunderstand. The trick is to figure out which one it is”.
We don’t ask because we don’t want to look stupid, and yet we wind up looking stupid.
Being a leader of your family is one of the greatest responsibilities you will ever have. Here are some examples of what an outstanding leader looks like that we will dig into to help you become one (Im not giving up on you so keep going).
- Listen Intending to Hear
You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. When you listen, listen. Men think of what to say next and miss what is being said. Stop it.
- Make Eye Contact
When you are speaking with your wife or your children make eye contact. Look them straight into the eyes and don’t look away. Direct eye contact is the surest way to let someone know that you have their full attention and that what they have to say is important to you. This also builds trust.
- Be Present
Work will always be there. Social media is not being social. Sports are just games. As men we are task orientated. We fall into this trap that work is necessary to buy what’s needed for your wife or the family. What she and they really want is you, all of you.
- Make an Effort
Pick up the vacuum, wash the dishes, bath the kids, make dinner plans, and surprise her with it, arrange a babysitter, show up at her work with flowers just because, just get off the couch! Do it without being asked. Showing her, you see her; you value her, showing her, you appreciate her will pay dividends for days, weeks, months, even years if done right. Do it with no expectations because any act of kindness with an expectation is not a gift, it’s a bribe.
- Make Decisions
The biggest complaint I hear from women is that they must make all the decisions in the relationship. Everything from where you eat to what the kids wear. The male ego stops us from deciding because of the false premise that we don’t want to look stupid by making the wrong decision. You make wrong decisions every day, at work, on the road to work, etc. decide, own it, and live with it. It gets easier as you go.
- Stay Humble
As we get older, we lose a step. There is nothing worse than an ego-driven male who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips but doesn’t know he isn’t. Allow others to receive credit. Give credit where credit is due. Say thank you. Give people a break. Show her you can rise above every situation without needing to receive the credit. Leaders, genuine leaders, take the brunt of the failure, yet give credit to others for the success. And remember, your child’s accomplishments are their accomplishments and have nothing to do with you.
- Communicate
Communication creates intimacy in any relationship. Intimacy creates trust. Turn off the TV, turn to her and ask her how her day was. Then shut up and listen. When she has a problem, take you Mr. Fix-it hat off, ask her what’s wrong, and just listen. Stop offering advice unless she asks for it. Women value being heard, so hear what she has to say. Digest it. She’s not attacking you; she’s venting. Let her. Be her safe place that she can go to when she’s feeling hurt, sad, worried, or scared.
- Give her Security
Storms in life will come, you can count on it. When they do, she needs to feel secure in you, in the us in the we of your relationships. Men are rational creatures; women are emotional creatures. They created us that way. It’s the perfect balance. When the emotional storms in life have her down, she needs a solid, safe harbor in you. Too many men today crumble when things get tough. Be strong, but gentle. Mighty, but humble. Listen first, speak second. Assure her it will be all right and do whatever it takes to help her.
- Cherish Her
Sadly, most men take better care of their cars than they do their relationships. Women need to feel cherished. They need to have their light recharged. Don’t tell her only but show her. Show her in your actions, then tell her in your words, with random acts of kindness. It will make her feel more valuable than anything in the world to you.
- Lead by Example
A leader who gets to the top of the hill and is alone is not a leader. He was just a man on a walk. To lead a family, you must convince them to follow you. To convince them, they must trust you. They will learn to trust you by seeing you consistently acting a certain way. If you want people in your family to be kind, be kind. If you want people to be forgiving in your family, be forgiving. If you want people to live a life of integrity, live a life of integrity. Do it because it’s for the right reason. Don’t expect a reward, a trophy, big kudos. Let them learn through osmosis. They will model your example.
- Be the Leader, not the Boss
Often, as men, we can become the bully who acts like a boss. A boss has demands. My way or the highway. This will not create admiration, devotion, loyalty, or respect. It only breeds contempt. A leader must convince those who he leads to follow. He must have a plan. He must share the plan with those who he leads. And we must have buy in from those who we lead. Each person must have a say in the plan. People will do things better, more eagerly, and with more enthusiasm if they have buy in. People must believe in the leader first, and the cause second.
How to Ask for Advice
Advice is easy to get. Just ask the guy who is just as miserable as you are standing next to you and he will tell you exactly what to do. The problem with that is he doesn’t know either. So, what’s a guy to do?
Advice on your relationship must only come from another man unless the advice is coming from a professional counselor in a professional setting, meaning you are paying for the advice. If you violate this rule, you stand the chance of allowing the “appearance of inappropriate behavior” in your relationship. The easiest way to cause your partner to not trust you is to share private moments with another woman outside of a professional setting.
The opposite is also true for her. Women should not share private moments with another man for the same reasons, but that’s another book.
The best advice I ever received was on how to discern excellent advice from terrible advice for getting advice on my relationships. There are six levels of accomplishment in any man’s life that must be in excellent condition for me to heed his advice. Here is what they are.
- His Relationship Must be Rock Solid
The way to verify this is to look at his wife and how she responds to him in public when no one is watching. Some couples have grown accustom to putting on a “face” in public for all to see and let down their guard when no one is looking. If his wife is showing she is deeply in Love and has that “that’s my man” face on’ his advice on relationships is worth listening to. Remember, just because they have married for a long time is not the only or major area of credibility in his advice. I know couples who have been together for an exceptionally long time and are just roommates.
- His Finances Must be in Good Order
The number two cause for divorce today, according to Marriage.com, is money.[1] Next to infidelity, money issues are the number one cause for relationships falling apart. Ill give you a hint, it’s not from having too much money and fighting over where to spend it. It comes from having less than your lifestyle requires. The delicate balance of living within your means, for some, can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. Having a strong financial plan, and sticking to it, will ensure your survival as a couple, so the advice you are given must be from someone who has figured this out and sticks to the plan.
- His Kids Need to be Good People
Children reflect the values we raise them in. If two people have children and have little or no time to guide them into becoming the person, we destine them to be, the result is usually less than favorable for the future of some children. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics[2] parents spend 2.14 hours per day caring for and helping children in the household. When you consider an average day starting at 6:00 AM and ending between 7:00-9:00 PM which is between thirteen and fifteen hours in the average day 2.14 hours isn’t a lot of time to help shape the development of the child. Any father who makes his children a priority shows that his advice is worth listening to.
- His Home Must Be in Order
As humans, we all struggle with taking the path of least resistance. It is our nature. When I visit someone’s home and I see it is in disarray, weeds everywhere, clothes on the floor in piles, dishes piled up everywhere, it shows slothfulness. Im not saying you must have everything perfect, but I am saying you must have everything clean. Children model what they grow up in as they develop. As men we are responsible for the home. It is our job to choose the right home for our family situation. If it’s too big to take care of because of life’s requirements, it is our responsibility the change it to something that is manageable.
- His Faith Must Be in Order
Any man who claims he is a man of faith must prove it by his actions, not only his words. Many people seek advice from friends of their faith concerning their relationships. I once had a neighbor who hosted couples bible studies who I admired for it until one day I worked with him. During work hours it was impossible to distinguish him from any other foul-mouthed man. If you are taking advice from a man of faith, he must walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Especially when no one is looking.
- He Must Be Involved with The Community
A leader worth following is a leader worth listening to. Leaders give back. They get involved as a way of showing gratitude for the blessing they receive. They see needs and they fill it. Im not talking about being a little league coach, although that is very admirable. Being involved without having a personal stake in it, say promoting my child to achieve something I never did as a child for personal reasons, is a quality that is worth admiring. The best examples are those men who get involved and involve their entire family because they teach them the importance of giving back.
As i said earlier, they must meet all six categories for the advice to be worth following. The worst advice is poor advice. Holding those we listen to higher standards will raise our own standards and cause us to rise higher as we lead our families.
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[1] 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce/ Shellie Warren/ Updated: 8 Jun, 2020/Marriage.com/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/
[2] Average hours per day parents spent caring for and helping household children as their main activity/ U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm
Life Happens for Us, Not to Us
Life Happens for Us, Not to Us
“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get.”
-Forrest Gump
played by Tom Hanks-actor
Ever feel you are just reacting to life? Like you have no say in the matter? Does it seem like your world comprises you waking up, going to work, coming home, going to sleep, and then you die?
You are not alone. Millions of people do not know why they are here. What it is you are supposed to do to make your mark on life. Beyond the thought of getting married, having children, working for forty-plus years, and waiting for that last moment when you breathe your last breath.
Life happens FOR us, not to us. We just have to look at things a little differently in order to clear out the fog so we can see clearly.
Struggles in life come from our expectations of how we believe or think our lives should or should not be. But when we consider the power and wisdom of the source that created you, you can trust that something greater than us is at work and that your choices, combined with your higher source, come together to create an incomprehensible tapestry of greatness and beauty in your life.
The truth of the matter is that life is not happening to you, it is happening for you. You create your own life. You, and only you. The direction you go to directly results from choices and decisions you make for your life, not the result of what has happened to you.
“You are essentially who you create yourself to be and all that occurs in your life results from your own making.”
-Stephen Richards, author
Changing this mindset to go from victim to victorious, from having no power to having all the power, takes courage. It requires courage to change your mindset after believing something your entire life for change to happen.
“You gotta “be” before you can “do” and you gotta “do” before you can “have”.”
-Zig Ziglar-author, speaker
Courage means taking risks. Doing things differently but doing them! It means being afraid of something but not letting it stop you from achieving your goals in life. It means not listening to the voice in your head that is screaming “STOP” and doing it, anyway. There is only victory when we enter the fight.
“He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.”
-Muhammad Ali-world champion fighter
It requires change for anything great to happen in your life. Most people, secretly or openly, are afraid of change. Change is uncomfortable. It makes people nervous. The voices in the back of your head might do its best to convince you “this isn’t a good idea”, or “lets do this another time or another way.” Don’t listen.
Changing the way you look at the struggles in life will actually improve your life. Rather than asking “why me”, ask yourself “what am I supposed to learn?”
Change, like eating an elephant, is best done in small steps. Easily achievable steps. Don’t attempt to change everything unless you have the willpower to follow through. Otherwise, take small consistent achievable steps, gradually increasing them once you gain momentum.
“You’ll never change your life until you change something you do daily. The secret of success is found in your daily routine.”
-John Maxwell-author, speaker, pastor
Belief is the next step. Wanting to do something but not believing you can achieve the goal or dream is the number one killer of dreams and goals. It will keep you on the sidelines and never let you even get into the game, let alone win.
“The start is what stops most people.”
-Don Shula-football coach
Belief that you can achieve the goal or dream will get you to the finish line, even if you don’t believe you have the ability, willpower, strength, or means to accomplish it. Belief, especially in yourself, is a choice. Choose to believe.
“If I have the belief, I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
Gandhi-referred to as “Father of the Nation of India,”
With each victory, no matter how great or small, you will implant in your brain that you can achieve your goal. Once you find you can do something, it is easier to repeat it. This is true with both good and bad. Each time it gets easier to win or lose, to achieve or fail.
With each victory you create a track record in your mind of what to do in that situation or circumstance so when you face it again, and you will be, repeat what you already have done. Don’t reinvent the wheel, just repeat it.
“I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but the man who has practiced 1 kick 10,000 times.”
Bruce Lee-Martial Artist, Movie Starr, Author
History will always repeat itself unless you study it. With each victory or step in your journey, reflect on it. This does two things in your mind:
- It destroys the notion that you are powerless over your struggle.
- When you relive the victory in your mind, you remind yourself that you are a capable being with untapped powers you possibly forgot or did not know existed.
Reminding yourself that yes, you can do it, is the most rewarding and positive reaffirmation that you are strong, that you can do whatever you want and not fail if only you start and not quit.
“Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It’s not a day when you lounge around doing nothing. It’s when you had everything to do, and you’ve done it.”
-Margaret Thatcher- Prime Minister of the United Kingdom
You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW
And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW
If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.
You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so
For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report