life

In The End All That Matters Is What You Do

Published: 9 November 2020
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Happiness

 

In the End All That Matters Is What You Do

Life has a funny way about it. Sometimes were up, sometimes were down. One thing is sure, we all go through stuff, but in the end all that matters is what you do with it that counts.

 

“A happy person is not a person with a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes”

— Hugh Downs American TV Producer

 

I always say happiness is a choice that leads to an action. External circumstances cannot provide lasting happiness. The shiny new car will bring temporary happiness until your neighbor drives up with a newer one. That new outfit will bring temporary happiness until you see someone else wearing the same outfit. That new toy will bring about temporary happiness until it breaks.

For some, happiness can be very elusive. They just can’t seem to find it, but they keep looking everywhere and everyplace. To no avail. I was like that, always looking for something to make me happy. But it never lasted. Until I figured out the happiness is an internal choice and has nothing to do with external circumstances.

Lasting happiness will never materialize in your life until you stop looking for it. Yes, that is correct, until you stop looking for it. Something will always come up that puts a damper on it. It rains on your wedding day, and you planned it outside. That new car gets a scratch in it, ouch! The new outfit fades, etc. etc., etc.

 

The only thing that matters in the end is what you do with it.

One way to maintain happiness is to realize that we will all go through stuff in life, that’s guaranteed. The only thing that matters in the end is what you do with it.

I play golf every week with a set of friends for years now. It’s our way of keeping in touch with each other and getting outside to exercise. The beauty of playing golf is typically what you talk about is how well you hit your last shot, or how badly you missed it.

This week we have a 30% chance of rain on the day we are scheduled to play. Out came the message from one guy questioning if we should play or not. He sends out a message the there is a 30% chance of rain so should we take a chance and show up or cancel the game?

Back came a reply from one guy, “yes there is a 30% chance of rain but there is also a 70% chance of sunshine”. In the end all that matters is what you do. We’re showing up to play.

 

 

Far too many times people over think things. They play the what if game over and over and over until they talk themselves out of what they were thinking about doing? While analyzing your options is a smart thing to do before you do something, over analyzing something has the opposite effect that we desire for the outcome. It stops us from ever starting.

We have a choice in life, let it beat you up and make you bitter, or accept it and not allow it to damper your happiness. The choice is ours, and only we have the power to decide what the outcome will be.

So how do we choose to be happy? Im glad you asked.

• Know that where you have been is not who you are as a person.
  • Know that where you have been is not who you are as a person.

We all make mistakes in life, it’s designed that way. Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb, failed 10,000 times before his idea worked. When asked how it felt to fail 10,000 times, his response was “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” [1]Had he chosen to believe that his failures made him a failure, we would all be in the dark.

Do not allow past failures (lessons) to stand in the way from you seeking your happiness. Just because it didn’t work the last time does not mean won’t.

 

 

 

  • Live with no regrets

Failure is never final because we will always fail in one way or another throughout our lives. Never regret decisions and or their outcomes. Failures are ways that did not work on your way to finding what does. When life blesses you with a lesson, never regret it.

Regrets prevent our happiness from manifesting in our daily lives. They do the opposite of being happy; they make you bitter. Trust me, bitter does not look good on you.

  • Change your perceptions of how you see things

Edison knew that failure was part of the process and understood that. He knew, just like when he learned to walk that he would fall (fail) before he walked. A lot. Just like you did. By changing the way you look at things, you can drastically improve your life.

Stop looking for an external source for your happiness. Happiness is a choice that leads to and action, that leads to a feeling. Be happy.

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• Forgive yourself for lying to yourself by thinking you could never be happy
  • Forgive yourself for lying to yourself by thinking you could never be happy

Far too many times people make mistakes and hang on to them. We keep them in baggage that we carry around with us from circumstance to circumstance, never letting go. We tell ourselves that we keep them around to remind us not to do something again, but it only reminds us of what won’t work.

By carrying these memories around each day, we focus on them because they are in the front of our mind. What you focus on, you get. By addressing the issue and allowing yourself to be human, forgiving yourself for the issue is easier, and liberating.

I remember a friend who counseled me on an issue that I was holding over my head and could not seem to forgive myself over. His advice was “you make a lousy god because only a god has that much power’. Forgiving yourself is the first step to allowing your happiness back into your life.

 

 

You can read my other article about forgiveness here: FORGIVENESS Is Not for the Other Person

It’s what you do with what life throws at you that matters.

Here is another article about Happiness that will help you: How to Find Happiness in Hard Times

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

[1] Goodreads.com/ Thomas A. Edison > Quotes/accessed 10/24/2020/ https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/3091287.Thomas_A_Edison#:~:text=Thomas%20A.%20Edison%20quotes%20Showing%201-30%20of%2057,it%27s%20dressed%20in%20overalls%20and%20looks%20like%20work%E2%80%9D

 

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You Matter, even if you don’t think so by Joseph Binning

What Does A Good Leader Look Like in a Relationship?

Published: 31 August 2020
Written by Joseph Binning
1 Comment
Categories: Leadership

“In any relationship, the leader must convince those following him to follow him by being a leader worth following”.

−Joseph Binning

As a man you were born a leader by nature. You are a hunter and gather by birth. You cannot change that, nor can you escape that. A mighty warrior called to leave a mark on the world by leaving the best piece of you behind and sacrifice everything to accomplish that mission. You have been tasked to fend off all things that will bring harm or ill will to you and yours. At all costs. But your greatest enemy is you.

There is an old Indian tale of a Grandfather sitting around the fire with his Grandson telling him of the two wolves that live within every man and are constantly at war with each other.

One wolf is a dark soul, vicious, evil, wicked, hateful, spiteful, full of ego and envy, who wreaks havoc and destruction to everyone and everything he encounters. He is selfish and mean to others. He only cares for himself. He lives to hurt you. He has no feelings.

The other is a wolf of the light. He is kind, but he is not weak. Strong, yet gentle. Mighty, but humble. We respect him because he is respectable. He listens first, and he judges not. He strives to be the best for him, for you. He leads by example and forgives easily.

The Grandson asks the Grandfather “Grandfather, which wolf wins the war?”. To which the Grandfather replies” whichever one you feed the most”.blank

As men, it’s during our upbringing that we develop, or don’t, the skills and confidence to lead. Knowing what to do is easy, you just ask someone who is a successful leader in your inner circle. Finding information is easy. It is finding the will to change your life that’s difficult.

Asking for help is one of the most difficult things any man can do. That’s why we don’t ask for directions and drive around for hours or go to the store across town and come home with the wrong item. We don’t ask because we don’t want to seem dumb or incapable.

I once had a coworker who I assigned a task to. In my mind, it was a relatively simple task. I explained it to him in detail, asked him if he understood what it was, I wanted to which he said, yes. I left him with the task and went onto my merry way. Not five minutes later I could hear him cussing across the room, so I went to see what was happening. He informed me he didn’t understand what I had said but did not ask for clarification. When I asked him why he didn’t ask for clarification he replied, “Because I didn’t want to look stupid”.

That how we are as men. When we don’t understand something and don’t ask for clarification, we usually wind up looking stupid. How often has your wife said something that you didn’t understand and didn’t ask for clarification on that you wound up looking stupid over? My guess is more than once.

A very dear friend of mine gave me some much-headed advice. He said, “in any relationship someone will misunderstand you, or you will misunderstand. The trick is to figure out which one it is”.

We don’t ask because we don’t want to look stupid, and yet we wind up looking stupid.

 

Being a leader of your family is one of the greatest responsibilities you will ever have. Here are some examples of what an outstanding leader looks like that we will dig into to help you become one (I’m not giving up on you so keep going).

JosephBinning.comListen Intending to Hear

You have two ears and only one mouth. Listen twice as much as you speak. When you listen, listen. Men think of what to say next and miss what is being said. Stop it.

Make Eye Contact

When you are speaking with your partner or your children make eye contact. Look them straight into the eyes and don’t look away. Direct eye contact is the surest way to let someone know that you have their full attention and that what they have to say is important to you. This also builds trust.

Be Present

Work will always be there. Social media is not being social. Sports are just games. As men we are task orientated. We fall into this trap that work is necessary to buy what’s needed for your partner or the family. What she and they really want is you, all of you.

Make an Effort

Pick up the vacuum, wash the dishes, bath the kids, make dinner plans, and surprise her with it, arrange a babysitter, show up at her work with flowers just because, just get off the couch! Do it without being asked. Showing her, you see her; you value her, showing her, you appreciate her will pay dividends for days, weeks, months, even years if done right. Do it with no expectations because any act of kindness with an expectation is not a gift, it’s a bribe.

Make Decisions

The biggest complaint I hear from women is that they must make all the decisions in the relationship. Everything from where you eat to what the kids wear. The male ego stops us from deciding because of the false premise that we don’t want to look stupid by making the wrong decision. You make wrong decisions every day, at work, on the road to work, etc. decide, own it, and live with it. It gets easier as you go.

Stay Humble

As we get older, we lose a step. There is nothing worse than an ego-driven male who thinks he is all that and a bag of chips but doesn’t know he isn’t. Allow others to receive credit. Give credit where credit is due. Say thank you. Give people a break. Show her you can rise above every situation without needing to receive the credit. Leaders, genuine leaders, take the brunt of the failure, yet give credit to others for the success. And remember, your child’s accomplishments are their accomplishments and have nothing to do with you.

Communicate

Communication creates intimacy in any relationship. Intimacy creates trust. Turn off the TV, turn to her and ask her how her day was. Then shut up and listen. When she has a problem, take you Mr. Fix-it hat off, ask her what’s wrong, and just listen. Don’t offering advice unless she asks for it. Women value being heard, so hear what she has to say. Digest it. She’s not attacking you; she’s venting. Let her. Be her safe place that she can go to when she’s feeling hurt, sad, worried, or scared. If you don’t she will go somewhere else and that is the beginning of the end.

Give her Security

Storms in life will come, you can count on it. When they do, she needs to feel secure in you, in the us in the we of your relationships. Men are rational creatures; women are emotional creatures. They created us that way. It’s the perfect balance. When the emotional storms in life have her down, she needs a solid, safe harbor in you. Too many men today crumble when things get tough. Be strong, but gentle. Mighty, but humble. Listen first, speak last. Assure her it will be all right and do whatever it takes to help her.

Cherish Her

Sadly, most men take better care of their cars than they do their relationships. Women need to feel cherished. They need to have their light recharged. Don’t just tell her,  show her. Show her in your actions, then tell her in your words, with random acts of kindness. It will make her feel more valuable than anything in the world to you.

Lead by Example

A leader who gets to the top of the hill and is alone is not a leader. He was just a man on a walk. To lead a family, you must convince them to follow you. To convince them, they must trust you. They will learn to trust you by seeing you consistently acting a certain way. If you want people in your family to be kind, be kind. If you want people to be forgiving in your family, be forgiving. If you want people to live a life of integrity, live a life of integrity. Do it because it’s for the right reason. Don’t expect a reward, a trophy, or big kudos. Let them learn through osmosis. They will model your example.

Be the Leader, not the Boss

Often, as men, we can become the bully who acts like a boss. A boss has demands. My way or the highway. This will not create admiration, devotion, loyalty, or respect. It only breeds contempt. A leader must convince those who he leads to follow. He must have a plan. He must share the plan with those who he leads. And we must have buy in from those who we lead. Each person must have a say in the plan. People will do things better, more eagerly, and with more enthusiasm if they have buy in. People must believe in the leader first, and the cause second.

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How to Ask for Advice

Advice is easy to get. Just ask the guy who is just as miserable as you are standing next to you and he will tell you exactly what to do. The problem with that is he doesn’t know either. So, what’s a guy to do?

Advice on your relationship must only come from another man unless the advice is coming from a professional counselor in a professional setting, meaning you are paying for the advice. If you violate this rule, you stand the chance of allowing the “appearance of inappropriate behavior” in your relationship. The easiest way to cause your partner to not trust you is to share private moments with another woman outside of a professional setting.

The opposite is also true for her. Women should not share private moments with another man for the same reasons, but that’s another book.

 

The best advice I ever received was on how to discern excellent advice from terrible advice for getting advice on my relationships. There are six levels of accomplishment in any man’s life that must be in excellent condition for me to heed his advice. Here is what they are.

  1. His Relationship Must be Rock Solid

The way to verify this is to look at his wife and how she responds to him in public when no one is watching. Some couples have grown accustom to putting on a “face” in public for all to see and let down their guard when no one is looking. If his wife is showing she is deeply in Love and has that “that’s my man” face on’ his advice on relationships is worth listening to. Remember, just because they have married for a long time is not the only or major area of credibility in his advice. I know couples who have been together for an exceptionally long time and are just roommates.

 

  1. His Finances Must be in Good Order

The number two cause for divorce today, according to Marriage.com, is money.[1] Next to infidelity, money issues are the number one cause for relationships falling apart. Ill give you a hint, it’s not from having too much money and fighting over where to spend it. It comes from having less than your lifestyle requires. The delicate balance of living within your means, for some, can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. Having a strong financial plan, and sticking to it, will ensure your survival as a couple, so the advice you are given must be from someone who has figured this out and sticks to the plan.

 

  1. His Kids Need to be Good People

Children reflect the values we raise them in. If two people have children and have little or no time to guide them into becoming the person, we destine them to be, the result is usually less than favorable for the future of some children. According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics[2] parents spend 2.14 hours per day caring for and helping children in the household. When you consider an average day starting at 6:00 AM and ending between 7:00-9:00 PM which is between thirteen and fifteen hours in the average day 2.14 hours isn’t a lot of time to help shape the development of the child. Any father who makes his children a priority shows that his advice is worth listening to.

 

  1. His Home Must Be in Order

As humans, we all struggle with taking the path of least resistance. It is our nature. When I visit someone’s home and I see it is in disarray, weeds everywhere, clothes on the floor in piles, dishes piled up everywhere, it shows slothfulness. I’m not saying you must have everything perfect, but I am saying you must have everything clean. Children model what they grow up in as they develop. As men we are responsible for the home. It is our job to choose the right home for our family situation. If it’s too big to take care of because of life’s requirements, it is our responsibility the change it to something that is manageable.

 

  1. His Faith Must Be in Order

Any man who claims he is a man of faith must prove it by his actions, not only his words. Many people seek advice from friends of their faith concerning their relationships. I once had a neighbor who hosted couples bible studies who I admired for it until one day I worked with him. During work hours it was impossible to distinguish him from any other foul-mouthed man. If you are taking advice from a man of faith, he must walk the talk, not just talk the talk. Especially when no one is looking.

 

  1. He Must Be Involved with The Community

A leader worth following is a leader worth listening to. Leaders give back. They get involved as a way of showing gratitude for the blessing they receive. They see needs and they fill it. Im not talking about being a little league coach, although that is very admirable. Being involved without having a personal stake in it, say promoting my child to achieve something I never did as a child for personal reasons, is a quality that is worth admiring. The best examples are those men who get involved and involve their entire family because they teach them the importance of giving back.

 

As i said earlier, they must meet all six categories for the advice to be worth following. The worst advice is poor advice. Holding those we listen to higher standards will raise our own standards and cause us to rise higher as we lead our families.

Read my article THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE, REAL LOVE, IS TRUST here: THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

JosephBinning.com

 

 

[1] 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce/ Shellie Warren/ Updated: 8 Jun, 2020/Marriage.com/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/

[2] Average hours per day parents spent caring for and helping household children as their main activity/ U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics/accessed 08/18/2020/ https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm https://www.bls.gov/charts/american-time-use/activity-by-parent.htm

The Difference Between Finishing and Finishing Well, is in the Timing

Published: 24 August 2020
Written by Joseph Binning
1 Comment
Categories: Self Esteem

“An inch of time is an inch of gold, but we cannot purchase an inch of time for an inch of gold.”

–Ancient Chinese Proverb

 

Timing is everything. Pull the cake out of the oven too soon and it’s ruined. Call the girl too late and she is already seeing someone else. Tell opportunity to wait a second while you get ready, and it passes you by. It’s all in the timing.

Too many people wait for the perfect or right time to do things or to make the right decisions. Far too often that causes us to miss out on some of our greatest opportunities. It’s called analysis paralysis. We wait to figure things out first, but by the time we do, it’s too late.

jOSEPHbINNING.COM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In my life I took part in the Ironman series of triathlons, a lot. A triathlon race is of varying distances depending on the training level of the participants. For beginners there is a Sprint distance. Next would be an International or Olympic distance. Next would be a Half distance. Next would be a Full distance.

A triathlon comprises an ocean swim of varying distances, anywhere from nine hundred yards to two point four miles, a bike ride of varying distances, anywhere from nine miles to one hundred and twelve miles, followed up by a run of varying distances, anywhere from three miles to twenty-six point two miles which is a marathon distance.

You decide the different distances you take part in based on your level of training. The shorter distances are for the beginner. The longer distances are for the more experienced athlete.

jOSEPHbINNING.COM

Endurance sports is all about timing. Go to hard at the wrong time and you will burn far too much energy and won’t be able to complete the race. Go to easy and you won’t finish in the time you are aiming for.

An endurance athlete trains a lot. There is a set pre-race training plan each athlete decides for themselves that will determine if they are prepared enough for the race (s) they have entered. Start training too soon, you stand the chance of over-training which leads to injury. Start too late and you possibly don’t finish your race or hurt yourself trying to force your way to the end. It’s a delicate balance between having a life and training for the sport you love. Its all in the timing.

jOSEPHbINNING.COM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The thing about making training as part of my lifestyle allowed me to be ready and prepared for other races that I might discover. Being ready allowed me to explore other opportunities when they arrived. If a friend asked me to run a half marathon with them because a training partner injured themselves or became sick it was easy for me to say yes to them. Since I was already in shape and had been training already, I could easily take advantage of the opportunity to join my friend and share the experience. Its all in the timing.

Life is like that. It’s a race that you are in and how you finish is actually decided by how you prepare. How well you finish is dictated by how much effort you put into it and if you have a plan or not. It’s all in the timing.

So many times, opportunity presents itself to you by knocking at your door. If you are prepared for it, you answer the door and away you go. But often, people ask opportunity to “wait just a second” while you get ready, only to answer the door and find that it has passed you by because the timing wasn’t “just right”. Its all in the timing.

The best time to plant a tree was years ago. The second-best time to plant a tree is today. It’s in the timing. Stop waiting. Stop analyzing. Stop looking for the perfect moment. Make the moment perfect by answering the door.

jOSEPHbINNING.COM

Life is like a market, and you are like a farmer. What you bring to the market determines the worth of your bounty. Don’t get upset and say life isn’t fair for bringing beans to the market and not getting the price of the prime beef for it. Instead, raise the beef.

A farmer doesn’t wake up and have a bounty. They plant and groom it. They nurture it. They protect it. They sacrifice for it. They sweat over it and when the timing is right and the opportunity presents itself; they are ready, prepared, and rewarded for the effort. Its all in the timing.

Raise your standards. Train harder. Read more. Listen more and talk less. Increase your value and you increase your net worth.  Learn more and grow your value in life’s market. No one ever completed a triathlon by watching one on the television, or analyzing what equipment was perfect before they started. No one raised a crop without tilling the field, planting it, watering it regularly, nurturing it, protecting it, and then, and only then, when the timing is right, they harvest it.

Start now. Sacrifice some “free time” which is not free. Every moment you spend not developing and preparing your bounty is lessening the value of it. Like I said, it’s All in the timing. Don’t you think it’s about time? For you?

jOSEPHbINNING.COM

Read my article THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE, REAL LOVE, IS TRUST here: THE MOST IMPORTANT INGREDIENT IN LOVE

 

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

 

You Matter, even if you don’t think so book campaign

Published: 13 August 2020
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Change
You Matter, even if you don't think so by Joseph Binning
You Matter, even if you don’t think so by Joseph Binning

As we enter the year 2020, in a world moving exponentially faster, we struggle more than ever to be seen, relevant, and valuable, to quiet the voices in our heads that make us want to give in—to stay alive long enough to make it to the finish line.  Yet, we live in an unlimited Universe.  Why do we press ourselves into such small boxes?  We need a truth powerful enough to lift us up and out of our darkness.

 

YOU MATTER author Joseph Binning takes our hand, guiding us to find our path, the path within where we discover the answers.   Who am I?  Am I worthy of the kind of love I desire?  Do I have the ability to do work that fulfills and inspires me?  Is there a deeper meaning for my life?  How can I serve?  With a vision even clearer than 2020, Joseph teaches us how to step out of our past and into our truth.  Shining the light on our greatness, Joseph is the voice cheering us on to our finish line, “Don’t give up, because YOU MATTER!…even if you don’t think so.”

Buy now on Amazon

In Order to Love Someone Well, You Must Love Yourself, First * 12 Easy Steps to Learn How

Published: 3 August 2020
Written by Joseph Binning
1 Comment
Categories: Self Esteem

“The story of the human race is the story of men and woman selling themselves short”.

Abraham Lincoln

 

Love, we all seek it. We all need it. We all desire it. But to give yourself freely and Love someone, genuinely Love someone, you must first be Lovable. To be Lovable, you must Love yourself, first.

Loving yourself is an important factor to living well. It will influence who you spend your life with and with creating your memories, how you will choose your friends (like attracts like), how you will deal with the many problems life will throw at you, and your own well-being. How you see yourself is how you will treat, or mistreat, yourself.

But how do you Love yourself, first? Loving yourself first does not mean buying it, aka bribes. You cannot get it in a beauty salon or doctor’s office. There is no magic pill or external source that can make you genuinely Love yourself for more than a minute or a moment. There is no external relationship that can fix a sense of a non-Loving nature. These can satisfy you for a moment, but only a moment.

Loving yourself first is not a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. It’s dynamic; it grows through actions that mature us. When we act in ways that validate our Love for ourselves, we accept our weaknesses, and our strengths, accept our short-comings, show compassion for ourselves as human beings struggling to find personal meaning in this life, can live more in alignment in our life’s purpose and values, and can begin living a full life through our own efforts.

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I am reminded of a story of when Confucius met Lao Tzu.

Many think Lao Tzu to be the original author of the Tao Te Ching, which has gained worldwide influence since published, being the most published book in history, after the Holy Bible.

The influence of Confucius on Chinese culture over past centuries has also been considerable. His approach to life is opposite to life to that of Lao Tzu, as the following tale shows:

Lao Tzu and his teachings were always a concern of Confucius. It is said that once he went to see Lao Tzu. He was older than Lao Tzu, so he wanted Lao Tzu to behave with manners, as an old man expects. But Lao Tzu was sitting, and he would not even stand to greet him. He would not even say, “Sit down, sir,” and he didn’t pay much attention to him. Confucius became furious. What type of master is this? And he said, “Don’t you follow any manners?”

Lao Tzu said, “If you feel like sitting, you sit; if you feel like standing, you stand. Who am I to say anything about it? It is your life. I do not interfere.”

It shocked Confucius. Then he asked something about the superior man, the gentleman, and Lao Tzu laughed, and he said, “I have never come across any ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’. Men are men as trees are trees and everything takes part in the same existence. Nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish!” Confucius became very much afraid. And this man Lao Tzu had tremendous silence around him; he was a pool of silence.

When I read this tale, it rang true to me in so many ways. For many of my younger years I did not feel Lovable. I felt inferior. I did not feel “worthy” of Love by another, so I would follow unhealthy ways and make terrible choices in life.

When you realize nobody is superior and nobody is inferior, and it is all nonsense and rubbish, and make the active choice to believe it you will stop comparing your life to that of others and you will stop building false scenarios of what you feel your life should look like in order for you to Love yourself.

Loving yourself first is a wonderful adventure. It’s like learning to do something well for the first time. Your confidence grows. You walk with a swagger. You realize that there is nothing in this world that you cannot accomplish. You see your value and worth. You feel you are worthy of the Love you desire. The Love that you were born to share.

JosephBinning.com

 

Here are 12 suggestions to discover how to Love yourself first, so you may Love someone well:

  1. Give yourself a break

Stop with the negative self-talk in your mind and especially out loud. Every time you beat yourself up and criticize yourself, you affirm in your mind that you are not worthy. Stop it! I know of only one perfect and we are not it.

 

  1. Change your thoughts and change the outcome

Stop telling yourself that you will fail or that you are a failure. What the mind thinks, the mouth says. What the mouth says, the heart believes. What the heart believes, the body reacts to. Start seeing yourself as worthy and Lovable.

 

  1. Apologize to yourself for your past behaviors

You are human, so you will make mistakes. A poor decision does not make you a bad person. It only makes it a poor decision. If you hurt someone you deeply cared about, you wouldn’t withhold an apology to them.

 

  1. Be kind to yourself.

We all have an inner child we live with all our lives. When you berate a child they shut down, withdraw, and don’t grow healthily. When you make a mistake, and you will, don’t berate yourself. Learn from it, try not to repeat it, and do better. But be kind to yourself.

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  1. Be patient with yourself

It took me quite some time to change my inner thoughts of feeling unworthy of Love to realizing that I am the person who I was designed to be, not perfect, but perfect for me. Don’t expect change to happen overnight, but don’t let yourself take forever either. Set healthy expectations and bring yourself along at a steady pace.

 

 

 

  1. Remind yourself you are worthy

Just as you used to beat yourself up when you made a mistake, remind yourself when you did something good.  Praise,  recognition, and to be “seen” is something we all need and desire. Tell yourself regularly that you are worthy, worthy of Love, worthy of kindness, worthy of a fulfilling life.

 

  1. Allow others to support you

Tell your friends and Loved ones what you are doing, how you are creating a new you. Ask them for support. Find support groups, read books, subscribe to blogs that speak to this. Find like-minded people who will tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear, which will help you grow as a person and help you see the exceptional person you really are.

 

  1. Care for yourself as you care for other Loved ones

Self-care is the principal cause of a healthy self-esteem and sense of self. You cannot care for others if you don’t train yourself to care for yourself first.

 

  1. Nurture your body-temple

Your body is your temple, stop treating it like a garage, its holy, its sacred, its blessed, and it’s a reflection of you. What do you do with the old things you don’t care for? You stick it in a box and stuff it in the garage and forget about it. Polish it, clean it, give it what it needs to flourish.

 

  1. Make Positive self-talk a regular part of your day

When you wake up ask the man, women, or child you see in the mirror each day if they are doing the best they can, to be the best human they can. Hold them accountable. They will doubt. When they do, remind them you Love them, and they are worthy of your Love. Say it until they believe it. They will thank you for it.

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  1. Enjoy yourself

Learn to enjoy your own company. Being alone gives you time to spend, bond, and appreciate your new best friend. We develop Love with face time, intimate times, shared moments, not distance. Learn to be still and remind yourself you are worthy of your time, because you are worthy of being Loved.

 

  1. Love yourself first

I once knew someone who could care so much for others but could not care for themselves. That person was me. Do not let it be you.

 

You are worthy of Love because you are Love.

 

You might also like this:  DON’T WAIT TO FIND OUT YOU ARE DYING BEFORE YOU START LIVING

And this one: WHAT I LEARNED FROM BEING STUCK AND FROZEN

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

JosephBinning.com

 

Why I Believe You Matter, even if you don’t think so

Published: 20 July 2020
Written by Joseph Binning
No comments
Categories: Self Image

The world is constantly changing. It moves at a rapid pace, and if you do not keep up, it leaves us behind. Understanding it is the hardest thing you will ever do. It is easy to think you don’t matter, that you have no voice, no say in things. I’m here to tell you, you are wrong. That You do Matter. Here’s why:

Like preparing for a mega-marathon, it requires more than just knowledge. You need the right equipment, and you need to know how to take care of that equipment to serve you and in case of emergency. You need the right people around you, people who are knowledgeable and willing to train you. And you need to be ready and willing to train, learn, and change. You can only learn when you are willing and ready. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Most of all, you need a reason to get to the finish line without quitting—a reason strong enough to quiet the voices in your head that make you want to give in.

In this vast world that moves so fast, we struggle to be relevant, influential, important, respected, loved, and—sometimes—just to be seen. I am the voice who shouts, “You Matter!” because you do, more than you might know. Sometimes you just need a little help to point you in the right direction.

The Tao Te Ching says, “When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be” (emphasis added). I encourage you to be open to new ideas as you read this. I encourage you to let go of your past self and start anew.

I have a saying: “If you don’t like something, change it.” And remember, you are worth every ounce of effort and concentration that you put into yourself because You matter, even if you do not think so.

 

The real voyage of discovery consists not of seeking new landscapes, but in having fresh eyes. 

—Marcel Proust

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You are born. You grow. You mature. You become an adult. You go to work. You may have children. You may have grandchildren. You may grow old. You may retire, or you may work until you die. You die. Is that about right?

You are not dead, or you would not be reading this. Yet, how alive are you?

It is so easy to settle in, follow the rules, pay your dues, and then wait for the end in the process of this thing called life—have you become numb? Or maybe you have not noticed. When you were young, you probably had dreams and visions, and maybe a few lofty goals. If you were like most, though, as you grew into adulthood, you abandoned your dreams and lofty goals one by one. Did you do that? Or did circumstances dictate your path? Do you have a suspicion, even a tiny one, that you might have missed out on an original life?

Do people have a hard time “seeing” who you really are? Do you secretly feel as if no one knows the real you or gets who you are deep inside? Is that because you have not let them? Have you created and nourished a wonderful sense of yourself? Or have you camouflaged yourself with habits, behaviors, compromises, possessions, money, or fear- or ego-driven behaviors? Do you sometimes feel that you do not really know who you are?

Following your death, you will have a tombstone or marker, on which will appear your name, a concise epitaph written by someone, and the date of your birth and death separated by a dash. The dash between your birth and death stands for your life. The dash stands for who you were and what others will remember you for. The dash symbolizes your entire life, the mark you left on people and this world, the meaning of your existence.

 

Life is not merely being alive, but being well

—Marcus Valerius Latin poet/author

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Be Well

If I were to ask you what your dash will stand for, beyond the loving words of your immediate family, what would you say? What significant event, purpose, effect, or deed would your lasting impression on the world represent? If you were on trial in a court of law and needed to justify your right to stay in your chosen country of residence by providing evidence of your good deeds and contributions, would you have enough evidence? Or would we find you lacking? What significance or purpose is there to your being on this earth?

You probably have a family and love your family that you love. But your family is not why you are here. Bearing children is the minimum requirement for ensuring the future existence of our species. It is not what keeps you from wondering if this is all there is, or if there is some deeper meaning in your life. Do you sometimes feel that you do not really know why you are here?

When you settled into your current job, relationship, home, marriage, routine, or lifestyle, did you gain weight? Over 60 percent of couples gain at least thirty pounds after settling into marriage and family life. Did you reason that your weight gain was from bearing children, the stress of work, the pressure of a mortgage, two car payments, dental bills, or a health condition?

Were you designed for a greater life, but are too busy to have one? Do you think greatness is only for the talented, the chosen, the lucky few? Do you sometimes wonder what if? What if I had gone to school instead of getting pregnant? What if I had married that girl? What if I had moved to that other state? What if I had started a business? What if I had traveled more before settling down? What if I had never had kids? What if I had stayed in school instead of dropping out?

If you were to introduce yourself to me for the first time, you would likely tell me your name, your age, your status in your family, the number of children you have and their ages and genders, the city you live in, something about your pets or hobbies, and what you do for a living.

News flash! None of these are who you are!

Each one of us must find his peace from within, and peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances.

—Mahatma Gandhi leader of the Indian Independence Movement

JosephBinning.com

Identifying yourself with your age, what you do for a living, or with the members of your family is a response that comes from a lack of knowing yourself. Until you know who and what you are, and why you are here, the dash on your gravestone will have no meaning beyond your job and your family status and sentiments. Your dash needs to stand for something.

So, who are you? Why are you here? Why now? Why this place? What benefit to humanity do you bring to the table and how will the world be a better place because you are in it?

Say out loud with me right now: “humanity.” Like the ripple effect of a stone skipping across a pond, it means we design the meaning of our life to create multiple waves of momentum, radiating outward from your life and into our world, making lasting change for the betterment of humanity. Unless you have no clue why you are here. Don’t feel bad. Most people have no clue either.

In the world, we place much emphasis on our station in life. What we have or possess. Where we live, what we drive, what we wear, who we associate with, where we go. The list goes on and on. It’s easy to think because we have not that we don’t matter. That our lives are insignificant. That we have wasted space. That we don’t count.

Some will or have trained you to believe that life is fair. They are wrong; life is not fair. Why would we have sickness and death? Why do we have floods? Famine? Earthquakes? If they meant it to be fair, we would have none of these. But we do.

He who is not courageous enough to take risks will accomplish nothing in life.

—Muhammad Ali Heavy Weight Champion

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Take Risks

When you first learned how to walk, do you remember falling? Do you remember how many times you fell? Most likely not. What you do possibly remember was the feeling of standing strong with a newfound independence, a world opened to alternative possibilities. That was not the teaching moment. It was when you got back up. When you came close to something stable, leaned into it, and pulled yourself up. That was life teaching you how you looked at it.

The teaching moment is in the moment of pulling yourself up, time and time again, until you get what you decided on, not because you deserved it, because you earned it. In life, we deserve nothing. It does not promise us anything. Everything we receive is a gift and we need to look at it that way. When you appreciate everything in your world, it becomes beautiful.

 

Joy happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are.

—Marianne Williamson, author/ lecturer

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feel the Joy

Too many of you feel as if you are insignificant today. That you don’t matter. You have no voice that anyone listens to and possibly you don’t deserve to one. Some of you shout, possibly out of frustration, demanding to be heard. Some of you just fade into the background and don’t get back up.

Some of you feel you are not being seen. That you are not being noticed in life. That it is passing you by. You attract attention to yourself, shouting to the world “Look at me!”.

Some of you don’t feel respected and demand it from the world around you, yet the actions taken to gain respect are not respectful to others. I world will naturally give respect when you are respectful to others.

Here’s the truth. You Matter, even if you don’t think so. You Matter ESPECIALY if you don’t think so.

Take a moment and look at any sunrise. Watch as the sun gently and faithfully rises each morning. Watch as colors slowly engulf the sky, putting on a heavenly light show for you.

Watch as it sets below the horizon at night. Watch as it sets, and the moon rises. Notice the stars as they dance for you, just for you.

Notice the hummingbird as it hovers, passing pollen from place to place so life may grow.

Listen to the wind as it gently brushes against your ears, pushing the leaves from here to there.

Watch the power of the ocean as the waves crash into the shores forever, keeping it in motion.

Know that the sunrise and sunset dictate the tides and seasons perfectly and with the sole purpose to sustain you.

Now know this. Your creator, whoever you worship, believe in, pray to, meditate to, give an offering to, or hold deep in your heart, would still have created this, even if you were the only person on this planet. That’s how valuable you are. The trees, the mountains, the oceans, the deserts, all of it. Just for you.

The lack of or approval of others, the lack of or acceptance of others, the lack of or respect of others, can never change that fact. When you feel alone, when you feel oppressed, when you do not feel valued, when you do not feel seen or heard, remember that fact. You Matter! You Matter to me. You Matter to us as a community. You Matter to the world. This world would not be the same without you. We need you, all of us, and we need each other, every moment of every day of every week of every month of every year.

It’s when we forget that there is only one race, humanity, that we feel alone. When we forget, we are all in this together and you are not alone. You are NOT broken; you are NOT a mistake. We cannot do this without you. You are an intricate piece of the puzzle of life we are all a part of the puzzle is incomplete without you.

That’s why I say and believe You Matter, even if you don’t think so.

You might also like this: IN ORDER TO LOVE SOMEONE WELL, YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF, FIRST * 12 EASY STEPS TO LEARN HOW

And this one: WHY THE MESSAGE YOU MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK SO IS SO IMPORTANT NOW

If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at www.JosephBinning.com for more helpful tips and articles.

You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

Remember: Happiness is a choice, so be happy.

Joseph Binning